Feelings expressed...


Is it any wonder?

a little cold,
a little betrayed,
a whole lot fresher,
some part decayed...

a little happy,
a little hollow,
so much peace
in exchange for sorrow...

a little bit of hope,
bittersweet as it is
wasn't the fairest trade
but I settled for this...

a little to forget,
a little to forgive,
a whole lot to remember,
reminisce and relive...

courtesy : Drops of Jupiter

This is with reference to the Disgusted post ...ok so i tried to pen down whatever i was feeling but i found it hard..words couldn't quite capture what i was feeling...i was hurt , angry , crying felt cheated and confused all at the same time...and it all had to happen just a day before my b'day...and then I go visit Jups' blog...( thank you sweets) and I read this poem that she's penned down...and its as if she met me and spoke to me and penned down my state of mind in her words..literally... and so here is the poem...
Ok so u shall notice a few lines that I have typed out in bold italics..cos these are the lines that are like 200% accurate...the rest being 100 % accurate... :)

I sometimes wish it would be easier for me to stop thinking abt those who've hurt me the most..to stop reliving old times..and stop caring ...but what do I do ? I'm only human...
I know at times I can be cold as ice and rigid as a rock...
And I know that I have an indomitable will...and if only I choose to exercise it fully and completely will you understand the true extent of it
And you know what...

I may forgive but I'll never forget.Never.

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 12:15 AM


12 comments

Happy birthday , beautiful...


happy birthday to me , happy birthday to me..
happy birthday to dear me.....happy birthday to me...

yes ppl yes...come forward and shower this diva with gifts and presents..and seek her blessings on this special , special day.... woo-hoo....!!

I'm still in a bitter -sweet mood ...the moments seem to crawl by......there's this tingling in my stomach.....my hearts doing flip-flops...i haven't felt this way in a looong time....so i'm jsut revelling in the mood of the moment....
a little sugar ..
a little spice...
guess who's looking cute n nice...?

haha .....a silly little thing that was...
but again....its just me......

I feel a little drunk..
a little silly...
a little lost...
a little happy..
lift me up in the air...
the castles in seventh heaven
I wanna stay there...

woo-hoo...tee-hee...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..AGAIN...!!!!!

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 10:16 AM


10 comments

Disgusted


I'm angry ..I'm in one hell of a temper...my fingers are trembling...I wanna cry out in rage...! I wanna cry...my heart's twisted in a painful spasm of frustration and dismay and betrayal and shock and downright disgust... .And here's a big GET LOST to all you proud owners of dimwitted cerebrums, 2-faced....cheap chameleons , ..out there.....! YES you heard me right a big big GET LOST !!!
...
...
...
I need you A ....I need you to come give me a tight hug...
I need your shoulder to cry on...
I'm alone..all alone...
My heart's twisted in a spasm of longing...
I love you A, I miss you ...

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 7:44 PM


13 comments

I think of.....


It feels….
Bad at times to say goodbye
you know that a goodbye means a long wait
But a long wait means looking forward to meeting that special someone again…
Its nostalgia that grips me..
I revel in the bitter sweet mood of the moment ….
I revel in the reassuring embrace of my loved one
I think of all beautiful moments when I’m lying alone in my bed..and sleep eludes me…
When its just me and my memories
A little sugar , a little spice..
I think of the humbleness and humility of my those closest to my heart…
There may be a lot of bad..but there much more that’s good..
I think of how much a hug , a smile ,a little gesture can say..
I think of those eyes ..
I think of the childish chatter….
I think of how things will be ten or twenty years down the line..
I think of how uncertain life can be..
I think of the games that life plays…
How one moment we can be laughing a child-like carefree laughter….pure n sweet..
And how the other moment things can go topsy-turvy..
I think of how much I cherish so many moments where im in the moment …living thru it..and I know that it is some thing that’ll stay etched in my mind forever…
Something I know ill think of in the years to come..
I think of how we may misunderstand so many people….
I think of how denying myself an extra kebab or an extra bar of chocolate didn’t really make me feel wistful
I caught myself before I could feel completely so…and I decided to just enjoy the moment..
I truly truly wish the best for all those dear to me..
I think of the fact that tomorrow is the last day of my life as a teenager….my 20th year starts day after tomorrow
I know that years later when I read this entry again..I’ll remember how I got a lil confused as to whether turning nineteen means the end of your teens and stepping into the 20th year or not….
I think of how my life would have been had I been born as someone else…
I think of a lot of things…
Lots of splashes of colours on the canvas of my life…
I’m trying to figure out the bigger picture…trying to form some kind of recognizable image from the colours that have seemingly been carelessly sploshed on that canvas that’s my life…
Trying to see how the colours blend into one another to form a beautiful portrait I call life…, my life...

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 12:34 AM


0 comments

Random Things Part 2


Heya long time….i just felt like I have to blog about something..and u know what this might be a very long post……and a very random one too…this n that ..bling n blang..hence the title…and yeh read it only if you've nothing better to do

Random thing # 1
I told myself ..
That I wont miss you..
And its not you that I miss..
Its your touch…
Courtesy saltwater blues..
The above lines just keep going on and on in my mind…I read these lines for the first time…and somehow it struck a chord..its simple and yet has such intensty..without any metaphoric jargons..it just feels so close to your heart….these lines run thru my mind all the time…..during lectures…while driving…when in the shower…all the time…


Random thing # 2
Funny habit # 123 : tall cute girl’s showering ..its 7 am….and and she laughs and laughs and laughs like crazy..laughs her head off…and you know why cos all sorts of funny things come to my mind when im showering…..every and any kind of funny incident that happens.. somehow the images flash in my mind while im in the shower..and I burst out laughing ..clutching my stomach and laughing away..

Random thing # 3
Coming to talk about stomach…..i was just reminded about that post I wrote about tummy aches….and their love for MY particular stomach…and also how you guys just kept laughing your ass off..huh!
That’s the sympathy I get from my frends haan..?

Random thing # 4
Something …
You’ve got something I cant resist…
Relax ppl relax..i typed this line cos this line from shakira’s song c/a something..was just playing in my head…I did warn you that this post is a random random one….ha..!

Random thing # 5
Tall cute girl’s birthday is coming…now when I went bday shopping..i didn’t quite get anything I liked .and when finally I checked out every shop in the city did I find dresses of my choice…so with tht problem solved I have another problem on my head…which outfit do I wear on the big day….?
I now have new black trousers…new capris…new yellow white kurti…new light blue shirt… new red knitted top…new white n pink shirt ..new black-silver-grey tshirt…..
So if u guys out there hav any suggestions on what I shall wear ….pls feel free to comment…


Random thing # 6
WHY THE HELL don’t I get down to studying…? Whats wrong with me..?

Random thing # 7
There’s this girl in coll ok…lets call her P..so whenever she'd walk by and if i'd happen to look at her and there wud be something thatwud kind of disturb me…u knw like the feeling you get when u wanna itch ur arm but u cant quite figure out where exactly the mosquito bit you…so well I finally realized that this girl even when walking all alone …sported a kind of smile…not a full fledged one..but a kind of umm..half- smile….with a look in her eyes that I cant quite describe…and it seems like she has some sort of info or secret that no one knows about ..and she’s just enjoying the fact that she is the sole holder of information no one else has……yes that’s the look….

Random thing # 8
I sometimes think about how superficial and absolutely pretentious people can get…there are people who’ll tell lies with more confidence than they’ve ever spoken a word of truth with…ppl who've been told off a 100 times for their stinkin attitude…I think some of them probably are miraculously unaware of the fact that IT SHOWS that they’re nothing but well a bunch of people desperately seeking attention….well..you all SUCK! And knw what u’d understand this if only you didn’t have the attention span of a 2- year old….


Hmm… on that note….I’ll sign off… tee hee..!

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 8:55 PM


4 comments

Learning things big and small...growing up..


Stayed over at my cousins’ place for a few days…..coming back home today I realized that home is after all home …home sweet home …no matter what….its just the feel of it …the smell of it….
I have also come to realize that I do have soo much ……forget about the shortcomings ..i am actually beginning to enjoy my life and take things with a pinch of salt… I love my parents even more…
I think I am getting more responsible..u knw…
Is it called growing up…?
Iv begun to realize that we just cant afford to take things for granted….
That life should be enjoyed every moment every bit of it.. cos u never knw what happens tomorrow…
Im also learning a new language…..
I think I really have grown up quite a bit in these past few days…
Little moments that make life so much more beautiful….
Moments that I wish I could hold on to forever without having to let go of…
Moments that I relive late at night …lying in my bed…when sleep eludes me…and I feel suddenly happy and joyous ….and at peace ….serenity and tranquility prevail….
Read up on a lot of femina magazines..old and new…
Has it ever happened to you….that you read a line a verse here n there ..and it just gets imprinted in your mind and goes on and on sometimes….here are some of them..

A girl can wait for Mr. Right to come along ..but that doesn’t mean she cant have a great time with all the other guys she meets …
Cher in Femina

I promised myself
that I wont miss you ..
And…
Its not you that I miss..
Its your touch…

Courtesy saltwater blues



My li'l cousins are lovely adorable angels…whom I hugged and cuddled all day long…they’re just..so sweet and innocent…and pure…and in their eyes and smiles all I see is how lovely gods creations are…
How absolutely lovely it is when a 5 yr old cutie-pie hugs you early in the morning and murmurs child talk into your ears
Sat with one aunt late into the night with coffee..and watched tv …
Sat with another and started learning a new language..

As we grow we begin to realize that teachers ar not just found in schools..
Read this in Femina
And I completely agree..
Its amazing how much little moments can teach you……

And well I went on to think about how ill look back upon all of these things fondly later in life….
Thought of how uncertain life can be….
Thought of how old ill be and how old my siblings will be 10 yrs down the line….
Thought of how ill probably tell them how they were when they were lil toddlers…
Thought of how I was as a kid…shy …very shy
Thought of how I've grown in so many ways ..of how I am as a person now..

Happy Independece Day…!!!
Proud to be an Indian …

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 12:59 AM


7 comments

“I didn’t know my baby had grown up so soon...”


Went shopping today …..dunno why after that when I was seated in pizza hut I jus wanted to cry…I was suddenly frustrated and tired and fed up of everything….once again all I could think of was what kind of a screwed up life am I living by the way..?it was one of those times that I felt like crying but I knew once the tears started they wouldn’t stop…..one of those days when I felt like my self worth and self esteem had diminished…to levels that sent me down an unending abyss of frustration and sadness and a helplessness to change the things I really want to ..things that are the way they are by no fault of mine… thinking again..of all the now lost excitement for my upcoming birthday thinking…”what a wasted life..?” and with my mood off……I spoke rudely to my mom….and I jus explained my mood saying that I get restless and impatient and that I should rather shop all alone …….and then followed silence and what followed silence was
“ I didn’t know that my baby had grown up so soon...”
that’s what my mom said…and that’s something I think I’ll remember many , many years later and that’s what made me realize…..
why the hell am I spoiling things just cos of a silly mood swing..?
why on earth am I treating my mom this way…for no fault of hers..?
why oh why…?
No matter how old I get I know that I'll always need my mom…..
Need her to wake me up in the mornings..
Need her to remind me that I’ve forgotten to put on my watch..
Need her to force me to drink milk every morning….
Need her to tell me that my jeans are washed and ironed and are on the bed….
Need her to remind me to take my lab-coat along..
Need her to ask me if there’s enough petrol in the car..
Need her to ask me if I’ve charged my cell phone..
Need her to remind me to take my medicines on time..
Need her to scold me about doing things at the last moment
Need her to accompany me to the beauty parlour
Need her to tell me what haircut would suit me
Need her to come along for shopping
Need her to advice me on clothes and fabrics
Need her to force me to help around the house…
Need her to remind me about that book ive got to return
Need her to reassure me that things are gonna be fine
Need her for the great food she cooks…
Need her to oil my hair
Need her to cover me with a blanket when im fast asleep
Need her to tell me whether or not I look fat in that navy blue skirt..
Need her to tell me that proper sleep is important..
Need her to hug me and cuddle me when im crying
Need her to force me to eat well
Need her to teach me how to cook
Need her to give me all the advice she gives me
Need her to tell me that I need to be courteous and polite..
Need her to protect me
Need her to tell me what's right and what's wrong
And most of all I need her affection ..her unconditional love
Happy friendships day mummy…!
Cos you’re the one who’s been there with me right from day 1…holding my hand …teaching me how to walk and run…………and now I know that I was trying to run away from you ..in the wrong direction….but im here…running back into your arms…….!!!
The sweetest thing is that she first said happy friendship's day to me..after observing me and wondering why on earth was I behaving the way I was....
I love you , mummy...!I really do!!!

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 11:51 PM


2 comments

Sorry but the world does revolve around me..!!


Yes ppl , I can get real real narcissistic…I have umm certain propensities…if you please….go on …ppl read it ……………………….

Habit #1 Tall cute girl’s walking down the aisle in a department store/shopping comlex admiring things arnd…..she walks and walks and walks….and STOPS…! Whoa… she stops and admires what she’s just seen………she’s staring intently ……she stares and strares and stares….at HERSELF in the MIRROR , all yellow lights accentuating her features……concealing her flaws………..she stares and stares…..left profile…right profile……hair….eyes..make-up….she looks at the mirror and ppl look at her…….*gulp* ahem..oops! her hand grabs the first skirt/shirt wateva off the shelf and flouncing it here n there..pretending to see if the dress suits her…… and shoots ominous looks at all those who look at this tall cute ….*ahem* slightly crazy gurl……GO AWAY all u non- priyanka-admirers…..huh! now I don’t care where that mirror is..i mean be it in a super duper shopping complex…., the mirrored walls of a 5-star hotel……even tinted windows of a parked car…haha………go on laugh at this poor lil girl whos in luv with herself….

Habit#2 Tall cute girl never leaves her house without cell phone and wallet and watch and other essentials….for all those ignorant ppl out there….OTHER essentials are’nt secondary in ANY way……and lemme explain …. I carry a kit which has 1) mirror 2) comb 3) lens case 4) scrunchies/clips 5) gloss 6) compact powder 7) kohl…….8) safety pins and other junk.

Habit #3 Tall cute girl is a hygiene freak.

Habit #4 Now this isn’t exactly a habit but nevermind… tall cute girl’s real disappointed ever since…*sob sob*…tall cute girl enters lab with excitement….streaking did u say…. Yes yes…today she'll finally work with those bacteria…..*rubs hands in excitement..*
But jus before that….her teacher says “how many girls have long nails…?”
Tall cute girl raises her hand apprehensively ..
Teacher “ all of u cut your nails ..no more long nails……ull be working with microbes in the lab…..keep your nails short…”
Tall cute girl…goes home and clips away her nails……..Imagine this superstar sans her long beautifully painted nails…..arghh! My fingers look stunted….!
Out the window go my plans for a French manicure….
But hey on the brighter side…..I can still have beautiful toe nails and get them pedicured at fancy salons………hmmm…….

Note- Tall cute girl cant wait for her birthday…!!! Get the gifts ready ppl..!
Tall cute girl dreams…clothes, shoes , accessories, etc ,etc hmm…trips to malls must begin…..pronto!

¶♥ ♥ exclusively_me dreamed at 10:33 PM


5 comments